Rosary at the Altar

I just say please
won’t you be my priest
put me on my knees
teach me how to pray

nursery toy
won’t make me enjoy
Hail Marys, fuck boys
confessing my sins

hell and heaven
killing life within
did the Devil win?
I swallow his seed

Our Father says,
“day our daily bread”
but I’m giving head
so my mouth is full

 

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann

 

STAY

sad hearts and heavy hands
taking over my body
so I can’t even stand
talking like pain’s my hobby

you go so here I stay
screaming to a silent wall
you always walk away
never there to see me fall

I bleed and you don’t know
look behind you’re never there
feelings you never show
so I can’t tell if you care

mind numb, suctioned with hate
suffocating all my thoughts
can’t even contemplate
all my thinking turned to knots

so I just wait to die
getting through another day
sometimes I wonder why
I even make the choice to stay

 

 

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann

Lunch Poem

does my soul still stretch for the past?
stuck in a self-destructive seventeen year olds
mind, never growing up but growing old
all the while because I can’t stop time

do I long for life or death now?
my post-suicidal mind wouldn’t know
which one to tell you, I just stay scared
all the time because I can no longer tell
wrong from right

so I stay in the darkness when I greet
each decision of the day, my thoughts
haven’t been clear for a while and here I am

simply wondering if a cigarette and coffee
count as eating a meal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann