on a winter day

i walk outside
it’s ten degrees
shorts on and snow
against bare skin
a blessing

i’m so desperate to feel something

with coat and glove
too because i’m
not stupid

i’m just depressed and
i quit smoking
early last year
but it’s sure testing me
to be this way

like waves i got pulled under

i was on a high
a shocking suffocation

now i’m drowning underground
and to be cold is to be better
than feeling nothing

and i never thought
my biggest fear
would be to go inside

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann

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