returning home

is it confusion
movement
in the air
and it isn’t even
the smell of cat piss
on the blanket
by the door
that bothers me
but that it’s trapped inside
used to be my place
to hide and now
i live inside a prison

when i flew
three days ago
i came to realize
how close to death
that i could be
and that thought
it used to scare me
because i was so happy
and for a long time
that was lost
but then i finally
re-found it
and yet in that moment
i was craving
thoughts of suicide
again so that i could
enjoy the ride
i was returning home

but now i turn
the air off
for the first time
in a week
and i open all the windows
even though
the screen is cracked

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann

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