“Ugly”

what if I’m not scared anymore?
what if I leave my house
each morning
feeling ugly and free
and if I run into someone
who might recognize me
I do not hide

but I greet them with a smile
and a confidence that knows
I am the same person
that I was when I posted

that 38th try at a selfie

that I edited for hours
covered in filters that I cannot hide
behind in public
because my appearance
does not define me

MY APPEARANCE DOES NOT DEFINE ME

my appearance does not define me
anymore

 

 

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann

house party

one night I had to take care
of a boy who kept on crying
as we held each other closely
and he sang into my ear
with his best friend standing near
nodding at me to continue
to console him in the moments
he was too drunk to survive

 

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann

Rosary at the Altar

I just say please
won’t you be my priest
put me on my knees
teach me how to pray

nursery toy
won’t make me enjoy
Hail Marys, fuck boys
confessing my sins

hell and heaven
killing life within
did the Devil win?
I swallow his seed

Our Father says,
“day our daily bread”
but I’m giving head
so my mouth is full

 

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann

 

please calm me down

red lines run up my thighs
rub aloe on anxiety
sharp nails shredding through skin
I’m sinking in my memories
reminding me of times
I almost died but here I am
my brain keeps telling lies
my ego is so paper thin
it shatters every day
I grab glass pieces as they fall
I cut away the pain
but still in darkness death will call

 

 

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann

 

STAY

sad hearts and heavy hands
taking over my body
so I can’t even stand
talking like pain’s my hobby

you go so here I stay
screaming to a silent wall
you always walk away
never there to see me fall

I bleed and you don’t know
look behind you’re never there
feelings you never show
so I can’t tell if you care

mind numb, suctioned with hate
suffocating all my thoughts
can’t even contemplate
all my thinking turned to knots

so I just wait to die
getting through another day
sometimes I wonder why
I even make the choice to stay

 

 

 

 

 

Angela Bachmann